Everyone poops. Right?
If that's the case, then why is it that performing this natural bodily function in public restrooms considered rude or offensive?
Well, this blog post wasn't created to address that issue. No. This blog post is for those who defy the politically correct bowel movement behavior. More specifically for those who poop at work.
My tips are in no particular order of importance. They all come from personal experience in addition to trial and error. If I missed anything, please feel free to add your own thoughts in the comment section below.
1. Never poop on the floor you work on. - Most likely you know everyone on your floor, right? Let's avoid the awkward small talk at the sink after you've dropped the kids off at the pool by taking your business elsewhere. Try a few floors higher or lower where no one really knows you.
2. Avoid high traffic times of the day. - First thing in the morning: commuters are always hanging around in there putting on a tie or applying lipstick.
The lunch time block: There is very little peace in office restrooms between 11:50 a.m. and 1:30 p.m.
End of the Day: Anytime after 4:20 p.m. and you're pushing it kid.
My favorite times of the day to let it all go? 10:45 a.m. And 2:23 p.m. I'm joking people. But not really.
3. Flush immediately after Round One. - Don't even think of looking confused. You know exactly what I'm referring to. Get rid of the fumes ASAP.
4. Speaking of flushing, always give anyone walking into the restroom the courtesy flush. - Anyone who poops in public knows the signal of a toilet being flushed at the exact same time someone walks through the door. Now whether that person stays or leaves is their problem. You've done your part.
Last but not least...
5. Leave the sprays and perfumes at home. - It is a restroom for goodness sake. It may not smell like roses all the times, but I believe most of us would choose straight up funk over floral scented funk any day of the week.
If you enjoyed this post, let me know in the comments below.
If not, I feel bad for you and your sense of humor (or lack there of). You're probably constipated anyway.