#84: Work Schedules, Selfishness and Crying Too Early in the Morning

#84 Work Schedules, Selfishness and Crying Too Early in the Morning.jpg

It's about 7:30 a.m. and I just finished cleaning the living room and the bedroom. Another load of laundry in the washer and it is the only source of noise for me right now. Ryan is sleep. After a 12-hour shift, what else would he be doing?

This is hard. Just days ago I was so excited to hear that he got the new position at his job. Then I found out about his new work hours. The evening shift. Meaning when I come home from school, he is on his way out the door. It could have been worse. He could have had the overnight shift. So I am grateful for that.

But last night was the first time in a year that I had to eat dinner alone. Fall asleep alone. I didn't like it. Not one bit. He woke me up with just-before-sunrise kisses. I felt whole again. He is my better half. But my happiness quickly deflated once he told me he would have to go in around the same time later today. Another evening alone? I was upset but I kept my mouth close and my face blank.

He took my silence as it was and did not say anything either. He drifted off to sleep soon after but I was still stewing in my anger.

His last position took so much of our time. I should boycott his company and their products.  He has to request the morning shift soon.  A bunch of selfish and rude thoughts.

And then I prayed.

I got up and told myself not to waste the beginning of my long awaited 3-day weekend by allowing the Devil to rob me of my joy. I began to clean our home. I lit a candle and allowed Kem's loving lyrics play gently in the bedroom. I even turned the air conditioner down to 70 degrees. No, I won't bombard my husband with my overwhelming emotions. That is not what he needs right now. He deserves peaceful and comfortable sleep. He needs my support. He needs my love. He needs my praying for him.

He won't always be working these hours. I know that. But while he is I will make the most of my time alone. I can read. Study the Bible. Work on my on-line retail store.  And when he's home, I will cover him with unconditional love and support. I auditioned for the role and got the part. Now it's my time to play my part as wife.

I love you Ryan.

Oh and this beautiful vlog didn't help either. I cried the entire video thanks to DearNaptural85 lol! Click here to watch it!